Our toes danced in the sand. It was the way the sun reflected off her hair, a million shades I could discern if given the ability to stop time. If I had that, I’d be frozen in a moment, like that first time, when passion burnt away our fears and we played in their ashes. I would have never left that place. Love doesn’t die, it’s murdered. Cornered, it’s the only conclusion. Forced confession doesn’t mean it’s not true. I fucked up the beauty of those captured moments, I poisoned our memories and was too complacent to treat my problem. I put the knife to happiness’ throat, watched it bleed out. I put the gun to her chest and played Russian roulette until she won freedom and I lost sanity. I am set up to fail, the knight, in eroding armor. Subconscious successes get that way by my conscious failures, the world forces loneliness so that I can once again retreat to the only comfort I’ve known.
Adjacently we sat staring, the chemical make up of two intelligent brains,
Only distanced between the relationship pattern it struck by the introduction we’ve always had
The well and the sickly, damsel, by all means so distressed… once more
I always wondered if this establishment tried a ploy on me by a distraction of yet another man, if indeed a cure by a man would entirely fix the issue?
If only the issue was the men itself and not the sick little girl, dying to escape my inner workings of my mind…
Developmentally educated, outspoken with a lady like twang, I cursed the moments when an uneasy emotion aroused itself.
The classification read: E for Emotionally Unstable
Reality: Highly Functioning until Co-Dependency Role is revived (Patient is “Caretaker”- but yet “perpetual victim of circumstance”)
Yet I’ll quickly blame whomever he is at the time for the instability in my lifestyle.
Another murdered love affair fills my nostrils
The stench of maggot ridden gray matter.
What made her tick, where did I go wrong?
Reading her letters, offers of forevers, promises of fidelity.
Cleverly penned traps, my heart fell for that almost instantly.
Her beauty and grace snared my random dreams
Built a prison out of my crosses.
Why is everything empty?
So barren my whispers echo ?
I have my freedom but I can’t move.
It’s getting comfortable here, in this place of loneliness, surrounded by shame
And vibrant memories I’m desperate to erase.
I’m waiting to crack & crumble.
Don’t wake me till this reoccurring nightmare finally ends.