Independent Breaks #4


You really should read from the beginning….

romance_novel_01

Kicking ass and forgetting the names. I am a liar, don’t remember my mentor, but he’s with me still. I’m a charmer, a slick talking leech. I construct my dreams on sand and patiently wait for an act of God to wash it away. Hey God, there’s blood stains everywhere. Thumbs down on your laundry skills. Isn’t Billy Mays up there? Ask him about OxyClean. Now I have to start from scratch. My solace is that they’re way better off, choose better next time ladies. Justify the wrecking ball with a life lesson. I’d apologize, but I’m consumed by picking scabs, by deepening the wound. I need to dig you out of me. What do you do when the company you need gets stale and gray? Can’t be alone but I can’t stand you. The perfect excuse, always have a plan H. My back burner bitch, always there for me. It’s not so bad being all alone with her. With warmth covering me. Take time to notice the small things, but the walls have cracks… something has to give, my tainted soul can’t hold in much longer.

-MFJ

The office space looked as enclosed as my twisted mindset, withdrawn and counterproductive
Flying thoughts circulating in the confined space of my head
I’m rattling my own cage to get out
Where to go however? I know I’m not safe anywhere
Alone, in a busy structure provides no safety,
The echoes of haunting memories of his hallow screams blasting through my ears
I want to pull my hair out as if that could make it stop.
My thumb nail, strong and lustrous digs deeper into my index until a raw, burgundy leak springs
A child alone no longer plays in mud but in my own disappointments of life
Capping one mishap and unveiling another
In most forms, they take shape of a man
He always looks the same, tall frame with dark husky eyes
Eyes that will lie to me but yet I live in that darkness
I love in that chaos
And I die when he leaves, every time.
Back here, I return.
” Welcome Love, it’s been ______ since last time, my, the weight you’ve lost, don’t worry, we’ll take care of you.. We always do.”
The door shuts.

-GS

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