Present Day Unmanageability


Recovery forces perspective, that glass half full stuff, call me an optimist today. 5 months ago finding food, a safe place to sleep, figuring out how I could scrape enough money from the ashes of bridges I melted down so I wouldn’t be dope sick, contemplating falling into on coming traffic, praying to die, all this was my unmanageability that stood in for my reality.

Presently, nothing shakes my God-given peace. Still, my days aren’t all rosy.

I ran through my 3 GB of 4G LTE in a week.
I can’t find a lighter to light my cigarette, so I have to use the toaster
Cursing Comcast for going out for 5 minutes while I try to watch American Horror Story.
Publix being out of Krispy Kreme Chocolate Pies. (Really, really upsetting)
My pants don’t fit, unless I want to look like a hipster.
If only I had some fresh cilantro, this guac would be perfect.
Had to make 2 trips to the bank because I needed 2 forms of ID, since apparently a defunct food stamp card doesn’t count as a major credit card.
Opened a ketchup packet on each end because I was distracted by reading a text, squeezed it, all over myself…this isn’t the raunchy humor sight, take that shit to The Cultural Oasis
Trying to decide what to buy from Sloan’s — Fudge, brownies, chocolate covered everything, etc.
Figuring out how to get to work on Sundays, and having to decide which of 6 people I should ask.

By the way, I went with the turtle brownie, it was the best $3.71 I’ve spent, and I am  slipping into a diabetic coma.

I am pretty sure these are the 9th Step promises in action, you gain weight because you can afford to buy sweets. Trust me, I was amazed with the brownie far before I was even close to halfway through. Life is simple today. When a lady tries to buy overpriced french fries and doesn’t have the $3 for it, I don’t miss the opportunity if I can help. I laugh, I smile.

And the best part, I am thankful. I had the chance to speak at a treatment center. Mind you, there’s 31,262 in Palm Beach County. Might be off on the number, but Google is broken from too much candy. I have spoken a lot over the years, this was the first time clean. It was an unbelievable thing, but in case my thick-headed nature got in the way, l get one of those moments, the stuff God pulls to say, “See, you’re on the right path.”

I said I was from a small town south of Pittsburgh, PA called Washington. and when it came time for the 15 guys to share, one says, “I’m from a small town south of Pittsburgh, PA called Washington.” If the entire thing wasn’t rewarding enough just in the action itself, there’s God, sitting up there chuckling to himself, and I am pretty sure he wasn’t reading Ebola is So Passe. Tie-in.

I’ve gained peace and contentment, an act of grace by that Comedian hanging out in the ether I am not letting go of it. I nurture it every single day, so it gets even better. So God and I talk a lot these days, and that’s the only way I have ever gained a minute sober.



One thought on “Present Day Unmanageability

  1. Janflone!!! It’s your old roomie :o)
    Been thinking of you!!! Same email I’ve always had- if you’d like, get in touch with me.

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