What do you want to know? Pretty sure I am explaining myself rather opaquely these days, oh wait, maybe that’s the problem, I use words completely wrong and in the end, people scratch their heads and wonder. Short and sweet today, clear but probably not concise. Staccato, might be worth a look, but something just feels wrong to me about that, because I get it conveys a pace, but the way my words switch around, aligning with one another in some lost chapter of the Kama Sutra, that I read in a nod years ago, so the burned out synapse dead ends, glad I know there is another way, yeah, doesn’t that demonstrate the pace of what really goes on inside my head?
Meditation. I suck at it. Big surprise, huh? Listen. Might just get an answer. Close my eyes. Breathe.
Picture a crystal clear lake, still, on a cool evening, a blend of red and yellow hues reflect off its surface, not a single ripple advances towards sure.Breathe.
Then a branch breaks under the foot of some Bigfoot hunter, who swears he just found Sasquatch, could I run a few laps so my heat image glows bright enough to distort my outline, amorphous enough that when I saunter a bit, it’s all the proof he needs to make it onto the History Channel, and see, this is why it’s hard to listen for answers, to pay attention, open my mind, my heart, and get a little of that good orderly direction I mentioned the other day. Still digging the grace on demand, ask, receive, just be careful what I wish for, can’t tell you how bad I want to punch whoever came up with that saying…hold on, time to Google It…
Apparently, it’s a proverb, no one knows, but I am betting it was the guy who first asked a shooting star, the sun or whatever he comprehended put all of this here, or way back then, which for him would be past present perfect tense or something, to bring him a girl, and sure enough, he fell in love, except she had someone else around, someone she doesn’t even like, so he tortured himself, longing for something he can never have, ends up all sad and lonely..tangents. They suck. Remember something about breathing. Clever? No. Yes. Flip me for it.
Might be wondering about now if I am going to make any point. Yeah, I remember a certain line about this being short and sweet, but it’s all cloudy, so not beaching it right now as planned. Plans. Pretty much done sculpting my tomorrows these days, just wake up with a clear direction, and my days write their own script.
Even when things get bumpy, and life I know is one long Pennsylvania highway, instead of riding the flat, pull over and, yeah, curse Penndot for their hideous road upkeep, I get it, a Yugo would have been swallowed whole by that pothole, so be thankful it just bent your rim and destroyed your tire, be happy you’re alive to curse the ass hole who came up with donuts (the spare in the trunk kind–ok, that apllies to the Krispy Kreme kind too, but yeah, I think it’s clear I find way too much funny these days, but damn, it feels great to LAUGH) because now you need to drive 55, and frankly, if that bicycle tire hits another crater on 79 well, there is always AAA and the ability to accept in 3 hours, you will be well on your way.
Hidden agenda, or overexposure, it’s all about knowing no matter what, the answers will come. Sometimes in the form of a smack in the pride, because a deviant course of action isn’t exactly a good plan, and sometimes in the form of a stranger saying hello, that gets me thinking about one more person that needs added to that list thing I have tucked away in my back pocket. Funny, I have this blog sitting in drafts, called 21st Century Amends, with this awesome picture, and as it is currently, rough around the edges at best, and I ask, why not just use technology to ease the feeling of uncomfortable accountability….not really, working on a lot these days, forgive a white lie and soon enough it gets gray, digressions, I pity my readers, but yeah, I say things like, is it cool to Facebook an amends, maybe a Tweet:
Sorry all, I was a selfish dick; I am trying to live a much better life, #truth #9thStep #YeahthisisMike #yesIreallyamclean #Waitingonmypaycheck #thedudeabides #cleanstreet #wayover147characters #what?its140? #shit #goingtohavetobeface2face #phonecallsandkleenex #hashtagsscrewupjustifytext #looksterrible
And what about Skype? Doesn’t that just make it even more Back to the now- doesn’t matter the situation life throws at me, as long as I live right, I am at peace, as the text message I literally just got says – ” As well you should be, God’s got you.”
God always has. Today I have him too.
That’s real. That’s short. That’s way beyond sweet.