Vapes, Kava Kava & Aftermarket Scooters

I Guess Daddy got caught with his hand in some other cookie jar
I Guess Daddy got caught with his hand in some other cookie jar

Granted I never enjoyed these carefree bygone yester-years where one could put anything out as an advert. Says a lot for the quality of a Dropson Grinder though, says even more about Mom, not only did she kill Dad, she served him up as ground steak tartar to her demented daughter, who obviously has her crave on for human flesh. Mom of the Year anyone?  If Jeffrey Dahlmer saw this and they were still the go-to animal byproduct masher, I would smell lawsuits.

I LOVE this ad. No, I am not going back and putting a strike through that word. Pitch that one today, Kitchen-Aid professional-grade mixers, ships now with a free meat grinder attachment, so spurned lovers can serve up open faced…never mind, this can’t go anywhere good, not in my condition. Watching people and their e-cigs, which, back in my day, like 2011-12, were cigarette sized, and blew out less smoke that a regular drag. Now people wear scabbards, pulling out police baton sized ‘vapes’ – It take two hands to heave these things up tom one’s lips and just one hit from these emits enough fog to make me have a flashback to the Tool show in 2007, or that time the DEA raided my apartment with flashbangs and smoke grenades. OK, the second part is complete bull, but the image is spot on.

So I watch this kid, thinking if he was in San Francisco the fog would never leave the bay, or if I bought something that had a heating coil larger than an oven, I sure wouldn’t be putting ‘juice’ in it. Or my juice would…again, never mind, this can’t go anywhere good in my condition. Deja vu? More like redundancy, and that’s cool, because said kid was vaping and drinking kava. Wouldn’t life be more honest with a Marlboro and a Valium? Why pretend, how has this become what all the cool kids are doing. Non-smokers are inhaling nicotine-laced, passion fruit/acai berry infused glycerin & propylene glycol. Sure the bacteria appreciate the sugar and warm, dark, damp space of the lungs to breed, and I am pretty sure this is one of the signs of the coming of the 4 Horsemen, almost positive, especially when sipping tea that must taste like mud mixed with purreed sewage, and paying $5+ for like a 1/2 mg Valium. You can do better, by not trying so hard to fit into the next new thing, because at the root, clever, it’s the same old thing, anything to feel more a part of, more apart from really….wrap it up.

Said kid, then gets on his scooter, started with his green keytag dangling, telling his buddy how he got this upgrade, making his 50cc run like 75-100cc. Only a few hundred bucks. Between the kava, the $500 vape, could a got a car, I would have sold you some self-respect, the inside jokes get me.

Status quo. It aggravates. Hence why I love that ad, sure, it’s not right, but at least it’s the truth. It’s relatable, it’s that evil thought we’d never act on, but sure is funny to mull over for a second or two. But I don’t have to live like that today, won’t, everything is gravy, it’s getting richer by the day, I am licking the spoon, and not getting soot on my lips, it’s the little things that give me joy, make me smile. What happened to the Steelers last night, wow, but it’s all good, it’s a game, much like I treated life, just today it’s not about being a winner or loser, it’s all about being good. In nature and action. Who is that speaking, I wonder myself some days.

Comfortable in my own skin, alive and serene at the same time, miracles to be thankful for. Great the ex didn’t buy a meat grinder and serve sausage to the dog and cats, awesome that I still smoke something that kills bacteria, don’t need a root or leaf to calm me down because I am serene, and the scooter? Got nothing there, I am jealous, walking home, but blessed to have a place to lay my head down, that isn’t concrete, risk splinters or cover me in sand. Life’s good.


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