Middle of the Night Anxiety Explained at Dawn




Max Factor is quite, was I guess, the innovator, or just obnoxious. That looks nothing like a baseball mask, it looks medieval, endure torture to be beautiful. Expose every flaw, crooked nose, one eye a little lower than it’s cohort, non-uniform eyebrows, how do we even make it through the day! 

Being a man I can’t hide these ever deepening, creeping crow’s feet, but thank mass media for that giving me character and a sense of distinguished experience. The fact that I have thin eyebrows, thin eyebrows that have these single crazy hairs that grow way too fast, and always need plucked, that’s on me, nothing I can do there. I have probably said too much. All I can do is cope with my flaws.Worry incessantly that I  am too this or too that instead of knowing everything is in its right place, and yes I dig Radiohead. Never going to hear their music planting a seed that I need to own that new smartphone or get into a committed relationship with a particular jarred salsa. I take the time and make it myself thank you very much, because sometimes the heat is obnoxious, and to appeal to the masses you have to keep it mild.

Food analogies, that’s where I am at, but truth be told, I had to go to the bathroom, and for the life of me, when you see an occupied stall and hear groans of constipated agony, or perhaps dysentery from not springing for the bottled water in Uganda, you need to say something as a good human being, a caring soul just to let the guy know it’s going to be alright, even if it’s not, in your last moments, I was here for you brother…. Granted, I wasn’t going to check, first hand accounts like that can kill, and my nostrils already were stung with…never mind…by the way is Uganda still a country? Paraguay? Portugal, that’s real. When people read between my lines, I wonder what it is that is seen, because I am squinting too. But, my point, the guy in the bathroom stall, what do you even say, because for all I know he could be stroking out (read it both ways, fear and disgust) , or be so dehydrated by the dysentery diarrhea that his heart beat gets all arrythmic (apparently I made that word up), out of sync with humanity’s heartbeat, and big problems ensue. 

“Hey man, everything chill?”
“No, no they are not, I am crapping….never mind….but let me in on a little secret: Don’t drink the water in Uganda.”
“Thanks man, and don’t hide any watches up there, even if it’s a family heirloom and you are keeping a promise to pass it on once you are freed from a Vietnamese prison camp.”
“Good movie.”
“Good group.”

Life is an inside joke. Sometimes I feel out of the loop, but in the greater scheme of things, some loops spiral to places I have already seen. I am well traveled, maybe even over seasoned in some respects. Journeys, even the wandering aimless kind, end up putting you somewhere, at some moment of time, where you better have some deep seeded perspective, or the aimlessness is going to continue. Experience is a great teacher, but ears that listen, that I hear is wisdom. Don’t take my word for it though, fortune cookies carry more weight than my actions.

All that doesn’t mean I am exactly where I need to be, my spot on the the path to life, or living, (see that perspective thing playing out?) at exactly the right moment in time. And while I have no idea if restroom interventions really pan out into any butterfly effects, I am not going to stop paying attention, so I don’t miss opportunity. Not to get ahead, to make a buck, or take advantage, but just be of service, and recognize helping doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Seinfeld taught us life could be a lot different if we give up some toilet paper. That’s pretty simple advice. 

Life is complicated, so am I. Back to beauty. Because that simplifies it. Feeding squirrels, watching a butterfly sit on an orchid, seeing isn’t unless there’s some appreciation. Break it down, I am no better or worse for what I possess, and there isn’t any list I need to ascend.

Looking back on it all, the sins, the miracles, a lot to endure, a lot to savor, but I am grateful to be right here, right now. And piss off Max Factor. Everyone knows beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not Mad Men spawned adverts. 





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