Reality Destroys Fiction

Something a little different. Take from it what you will, but always remember some things defy explanation, and really are spectacularly beautiful in their genesis and ultimate fulfillment. None of this story would be possible if those involved didn’t turn their lives around and get clean, and understand there is no going back to that life. After all, when the unimaginable happens, why would anyone ever want to throw that purity out the window for another taste of the lie?

Two Random Pieces of Prose for the Defining Light in My Life

1. An Angel’s Grace

Funny, I stopped by to just say hey, it’s been awhile. Your face is as beautiful as I remember it, my long-lost friend. It’s so nice to find you again. My timing sucks apparently, but I didn’t know the ground was washing away under my feet. That after hello, I was going to fall. The same old mistake has bitten me again. Never meant to unravel right in front of you. Apparently all my intentions were poisoned, and I need a hand, as I am having trouble learning how to even stand.

I am broken, those scars torn open again. You take on my burdens, bandage my wounds,  and help me up. Gazing into your eyes, my sins dissipate. In your arms, I learn to forgive. The slightest touch true. You don’t discount my pain, don’t judge my wrongs. You erase all the hurt from my heart and soul. Your presence wipes my slate clean. Innocent dodger, faithful stranger, greedy beggar, all shatter at your feet.  But I am right next to you and my world has finally come alive.

I missed you for so long, since the last time I held you on a random south Florida night. I never wanted to let you go, cursed the sun’s first stab of light. Whispered in your ear that this was going to be goodbye, I couldn’t be worthy of you in that state. Fate forced my hand, a star faded out of sight and I made the only wish of my life – that someday you and I could reunite.

My dear friend, here we are again. Awake from the sleepwalk of the past, I don’t need to bleed to know I am alive. Life fires through me as I take your hand. My sweet angel, you brought heaven with you. So comfortable in your light. Inside you, everything is right.

2. Reflecting Pool

Staring into my past. My life a blur. Random memories. Ill-defined periods. So much lost. Heroin haze choked. Most recollections just traumas. Pain scars the mind deep. I forget more. A decade. Plus 5.  Most remember. After living a lifetime. Stories told. Bit player. Written into the script. Maybe that happened. The smell. Of heat. On spoon. Powder dissolves. Needle stick. Artificial bliss. Shock. Awe. Awwww. Can’t say I care. OD. Narcan. Lungs suck. Spared. Again. Who is directing? This. Tragedy. Comedy. False reality ? Get me out. I demand too much. I expect. Too little.

Life. Minimized. Until. I. Saw. Her.

Life realized. Sentences take shape. A beacon in the foggy lie I called my life. She shines through. Crystal clear in a world of blood-red reality. I close my eyes and I can remember her spectacular beauty. Every last detail, head to toe, seared into my brain. I have met hundreds if not thousands of people in my life, and I cannot tell you a single instance where I remember the first time I saw any of them, except for her. The clothes she wore, the shade of tan on her legs, and the moment she turned around and I saw her face.

And then. The fog. Sets In. Thick. Months pass. I become instinctual. Me, I am long gone.  Despicable excuse for a human being. Taking advantage of so many nameless, the faceless. I existed but taking what I wanted from the weakest souls. I was a lie, a temporary shelter, getting what I told myself I needed.  The grip of substance. Has me sick again.

But here she is. Back in my life, such as it was back then. I know her name. I adore that face, she has moved beyond my crush. She is like the others only in vice. She might be a junky, but she is way more than that to me. Everything is vivid again. There is an unspoken trust between us. We are a team, albeit misguided, but we stick together. There are no games, no lying and stealing. We defy the norms. We are beautifully twisted.

I watch her step out of the shower. Can’t tell you the hotel’s name. One stop in a carousel of depravity. She is stunning. She is gorgeous. And I will not ruin what we share. I will not cheapen what she means to me. Season in South Florida is here. We are going our separate ways. Just not before I take in every second of this night. I don’t even need to close my eyes to remember this. I have relived it at various times along the road to today. The mystery of where she had gone, it’s hard to explain. A lonely night in Pittsburgh. I know she was out there, alive, and hopefully well, because I could feel her, even if she was 1000 miles away. My dream girl. My one in a trillion girl. The one I always remembered, the one I always wanted another chance with. Where we both walked the straight and narrow.

I lie my head down on my pillow. I smell her. She has never been closer. My eyes close. My life is now defined. My life is complete. As the saying goes, I can’t escape my destiny – I can’t deny the purity of our light. We shine blindingly bright, two souls, once lost, together again, we unite.

Peace – MFJ


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