Been a lot of places, seen a thousand faces. Have let my imagination run wild, have guided my reality into the abyss. It’s been a train wreck, and I should have sold tickets, given the appeal for other’s misery. I am what you make me, I am easy that way. I fold into neat little packages of doom, I dream inside your mind to make it all go away.
A lot of nothing can add up to something. My days pass like everyone else’s, my heart breaks on the same jagged words as anyone’s would. I am just your shadow, maybe that you never took the time to notice. That followed any angle you wanted to play, that bought into the sweetest lie you had to sell. Back alley bullshit always played Park Avenue truth, and it isn’t really easy to say that I want to hit erase on much of my littered life.
Instead it’s fast-forward to today, not really needing to remember how I got here, just shaking my head at the craziness of it all. A lot of souls sucked dry, and a lot taken/given from me, all washed down the drain. Rebuilding what was smashed to dust, she makes it frighteningly easy. Take a good look at what is gone, because I am done being next to the world only in the sun. Read between the lines, drift on some assumption that makes you feel a little better. Hope you can get some sleep, hope you can fulfill some tattered dream. The material world is a drag, but I am more than okay with all of that because what is truly important is becoming whole again.
Life’s journey sometimes a battle I waged when there really weren’t any enemies around to fight. This and that become razor-sharp in my vision, and she is all I can see. I’ve had life’s grand epiphany, pieced the puzzle together into the most alluring picture. Might only be for now, while I hope it lasts forever. Doesn’t really matter, because in those moments of company, it’s the purest peace ever felt, brought on by a mere touch. Each and every memory we create is held close, the most precious moments, an angel’s grace shared with me.
The words sometimes come out jumbled, the emotion too massive for me to explain. Face to face with destiny, and I am so thankful I found enough courage to dream in reality. All the darkness of my demons calmed in an embrace, no longer wanting to give up and write my demise to fit the world’s perceptions. Sun up to sun down conversations, with every word flowing free, not a judgement ever thrown my way, just that mutual understanding that we are two members of humanity, flawed and beautiful. My heart beats so much faster with this kind of grace next to me.
So I sit, trying to hold back my mind from taking itself into the future. It goes unspoken, yet is as clear as it is silent. Not forcing anything, or doing my damnedest, living for today and thankful for every second shared. She is meaning, she is truth. Erasing doubts, making tomorrow a destination I want to get to instead of avoid. Knowing she can always fill my cup with a simple good morning. So lost in her, so found in her. I can’t find my head as it drowns inside her, and it’s all so perfectly okay.
All the cords cut, the safety net gone, and today plays out in the most elaborate of ways. Thoughts of who I am, where I have been, how I have been saved. The journey’s truth went unseen for so long. Comfortable in the moment, alive in the dream. All I want to be is wrapped up in my destiny.
“The simple lack of her is more to me than others’ presence.” ~Edward Thomas
Peace & Happy Easter -MFJ