Fallow Pariah


In a dark corner, a cigarette’s ember lights her face
Just enough so I see that stare
That one that makes me crawl inside myself
All out of shocks
To provide any spark

Close my eyes and know she’ll be gone
Slipping away, the room empty, my space hollow
Methodical mental incisions
Trepannation trickery and I can’t see as advertised
Shadowed pain creeping up, next to me

Precision scratched calender
Kept closer than anticipated
Another reminder to reinforce her absence
Silence saying everything I don’t want to hear
Never going to see her face again

Hide it all from the world
Shit-eating grin reflex back in full effect
I’m doing great!
Thanks for the small talk. It means so little.
I’d invite you in but I can’t make it to the door.

Might as well not even bother stopping by.
Not today, not tomorrow. Rinse and repeat.
No need for a pusher, I’m fine on my ledge.
After all, this is boring me.
Read it a few times, it’s all in the interpretation

Would I be your man if I saw mine?
Is that it? Piece me back together
Fulfill the need to be something bigger
So tired – Can’t stomach the dreams
My mind drifts about to forgotten faces

If I could lift my head
I might just see some congratulations
Beating this, beating that
Thoughts swimming at low tide for a change
A little pissed I wasted so much time
Trapped in my drama with my perceived queen
Decayed pariah and a vacuumed illness
Stepping out the front door
Unsure how freedom is supposed to feel…

12-20-11

I have no idea why I have never posted a poem on this, I have thousands. Probably lost just as many over the years with my transient behaviors. I’m weird about poems. A lot left for interpretation, and sometimes for me making  the obvious obscure is fun. Anyway, I figured something a little different would be good.

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