All throughout school and college, everything I did was last minute. I could have a month to do some report, and the day before I would start the project and finish it up with a few hours, minutes to spare. Because I always managed good grades, that attitude became woven in my brain, and worse, applied to real life. Jane says, I’m goin kick tomorrow.
Reality, well, I couldn’t just do the minimum and try hard for a day to fix things. Simply ignoring things until the date due is pure foolhardiness. It cost me my freedom, it cost me my wife. I hate that certain life lessons took me so long to learn. In the book, I actually have it down to the minute when it dawned on me I had lived a completely selfish existence, that I had various aces in the proverbial hole. Sadly, the void turned out to be an abyss, and there was simply no way to get by, no gold stars or ‘A’s’ today Mr. Janflone.
Now I know being lazy, doing the minimums in life, got me just that, bare bones necessities. Even those are questionable today, at least materially. This past year has transformed itself from existing to being alive. New found perspectives, a lesson vital to pushing through each day, hour, minute or even seconds, has changed me inside. Inner peace and contentment are completely foreign feelings for me, and they even cause me slivers of guilt from time to time, lodging under my skin where it could be out of sight, out of my mind. I just don’t let those infections set in, armed with mental tweezers, heart scalpels and soul scrapers, I dig them out. It hurts, but taking care of business resolves my peace.
The holidays were the big challenge, but again, I had made changes, learned lessons I was willing to apply, and didn’t isolate my mind. It was lonely to be sure, but it was such a rewarding period of my life, and has catapaulted myself and marketing squad into 2012 with some major ferocity. Complete strangers read the book and immediately ask if there is anything they can do for us, such is the awareness of the drug issues in our country, be they prescription or illicit.
Life is good. Everyday I chip away at the mountain of work in front of me, instead of allowing that dark part of my brain to erode my new found strength and purpose. It feels great to live up to my potential, to not half-ass my way through life, through relationships. I’ve got a smile on my face, and some more work to do tonight, so thank you for reading and sharing this blog.
“Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.” ~Washington Irving
Peace to you all – MFJ